Note:
The following message is the second part of a teaching that consists of two parts.
It is recommended to read the message chronologically.

 

 

As highlighted earlier in the biblical context, a narcissistic attitude in believers exhibits a pattern that we find in the fall of Satan, which makes it all the more important to identify these effects. It is only what we can identify that we are able to openly confront in order to effectively stop the enemy’s influence in our lives.

 

Where believers define themselves by their own deeds, which includes a false or exaggerated focus on influence, the use of spiritual or other gifts (Note: abilities, talents, achievements) or status within the church as well as society (Note: title, position, marital status, award or rank), this may indicate a form of narcissism.

 

Equally dangerous is a false zeal that can reveal itself in projects, church-building initiatives or conferences, as well as simple ‘on the go’ prophesying or street evangelism that is clearly not born out of fellowship with the Father in the fruit of the Holy Spirit. The hidden heart attitude here can be pride and rivalry resulting from narcissistic motives.

 

The constant desire among saints to be the centre of attention, to be noticed by others, is also among what harms younger believers in particular and has brought many servants of God into entanglements of sin, which can also lead to bribery and infidelity as a result.

 

Particularly common, but rarely identified by saints, in narcissistic people are the hidden attitudes that they prefer to seek spiritual independence. They usually seem continuously ‘too busy’ or needed in their projects or work environment to avoid being noticed, that they are in it sometimes in escape from circumstances due to their pride in not wanting to expose themselves to deeper sanctification processes. In them, the drive to win or to be ahead of others is so strong that it makes it impossible for them to be part of a real, close and loving community of Christians, where you also show weaknesses, because it is part of a life under grace.

 

As mentioned at the beginning of the word, unfortunately, difficulties also arise in marriages of believers due to the soulish or even demonic influence of ‘narcissism’.

 

Nabal also allowed himself to be captivated by this evil influence, whereby his wife Abigail, with her God-given beauty in the form of wisdom and gentleness, affected her husband Nabal for a long time until king David (Note: representative of Jesus Christ) ‘visited’ their marriage.

 

Nabal means ‘fool, foolish’ acted from a foolish and wicked attitude of heart. His wife Abigail whose name means ‘My father is joy.’, on the other hand, acted on him in wisdom and partly without his knowledge. It is said of Abigail that she was a woman of understanding and beauty, which in this context should sensitize us to the guidance and presence of the Holy Spirit.

Nabal was blessed in his economy and protected by the righteous guidance and government of king David. This is evident, among other things, from the location of his business, which was ‘Carmel’, meaning ‘fruit garden’ (cf. 1 Samuel 25:2-3).

1 Samuel 25:2-3:
2 A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel.
3 His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings – he was a Calebite.

 

Despite his evil heart attitude of Narcissism, his behaviour shows Nabal’s unspoken belief ‘I have the best economy and I don’t let anyone, not even the king, share in it because I am the best.’, Nabal was blessed for a long time in his life and you can assume that it was because of the kindness of God and his wife Abigail, who continually ministered before God with understanding and wisdom in her assigned glory (cf. Romans 2:4 i.c.w. Proverbs 12:4a).

Romans 2:4:
4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realising that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Proverbs 12:4a:
4a A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, …

Abigail possessed a God-given strength because she recognized God as the source of joy and lived in it (cf. Nehemiah 8:10c).

Nehemiah 8:10c:
… 10c ‘Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.’

 

However, when God’s time came to confront Nabal with the influence of narcissism in order to set him free, Nabal chose to continue to love himself and his economy in an unhealthy way (Note: putting it in the first place), resulting in his death (cf. 1 Samuel 25:38).

 

1 Samuel 25:38:
38 About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died.

 

We have witnessed in many years of ministry that husbands in particular are attacked by this power of narcissism whose heart attitudes do not conform to the standard of the Word of God.

 

Especially believing men with this heart attitude coupled with their untenable conclusion by the truth of God’s word that the woman is subject to the man, take it as an approach to control their wives and make them submissive according to their own will ‘according to the Word of God’.

 

In doing so, they forget that Christ is superior to them as the all-superior authority, sending out the 300 foxes paired to 150 pairs with the burning torch of the Spirit, similar to Samson, to establish the triumph of God in the camp of the enemy (cf. 1 Corinthians 11:3 i.c.w. Judges 15:4-5; Ephesians 5:23-24).

 

1 Corinthians 11:3:
3 But I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

 

Judges 15:4-5:
4 So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, 5 lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing corn of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing corn, together with the vineyards and olive groves.

 

Ephesians 5:23-24:
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 

In a similar way that Samson also sent out the foxes in pairs with burning torches by tying their tails together in a form of a ring, one can see in this the meaning of the marriage covenant between husband and wife, where the passionate zeal of God drives and advances the married couple in the fire of the Spirit or His love (Note: Greek ‘agąpē’) in unity according to His will.

 

This is not about a dictatorial leadership of the man or also of the woman, but it is about a holy cooperation in Christ Jesus. Everything works with God from the centre and not from a hierarchical thinking from top to bottom. God is positioned on His throne in the centre and everything ‘revolves’ around Him. Within this, the power of God and His nature is revealed (cf. Revelation 4:2-8).

 

Revelation 4:2-8:
2 At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it.
3 And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.
4 Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads.
5 From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits of God.
6 Also in front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal. In the centre, round the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and behind.
7 The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle.
8 Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all round, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: ‘ “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,” who was, and is, and is to come.’

 

In this regard, the following diagram will help us understand the way God sees the structure of subordination in relationship in terms of revolving:

 

 

 

From this, it is clear that the marriage covenant according to God’s heart between man and woman cannot mean a hierarchical chain of command emanating from one person in marriage. This is not the concept of marriage in Christ that God intended for His creation as man and woman, whom He liberated from all curse after the Fall.

 

Rather, according to the standard of God’s Word, a happy marriage involves reverence and true love, so that Jesus Christ is recognized as the love of God and also true discipleship by both spouses (cf. John 13:34-35 i.c.w. John 15:12).

 

John 13:34-35:
34 ‘A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.’

 

John 15:12:
12 My command is this: love each other as I have loved you.

 

 

Therefore, it is of increasing importance that every husband first loves God the Father and cultivates and is satisfied with a healthy self-love in the grace of God. This includes self-acceptance, which enables a man to accept his own strengths and weaknesses without feeling superior or inferior to others in them. It means a life of submission to the Holy Spirit that is open in teachability, willingness to learn, and mercy with self and others.

 

As a result, you do not fall into the trap of the enemy in the form of narcissism but choose to love your wife as the grace of God and complement entrusted to you, and not to rule over her ‘dictatorially’. In this way, it can be seen that you sanctify and love yourself in a healthy way, which leads to the trusting wife submitting to her husband in this unbiased way and honouring him gladly (cf. Matthew 22:36-39 i.c.w. Ephesians 5:28-33).

 

Matthew 22:36-39:
36 ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’
37 Jesus replied: ‘ “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (cf. Deuteronomy 6:5).”
38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
39 And the second is like it: “Love your neighbour as yourself (cf. Leviticus 19:18).”

 

Ephesians 5:28-33:
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no-one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – 30 for we are members of his body.
31 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’
32 This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 

It is God’s desire in this end-time advance and harvest time on earth to kindle true love and true discipleship with His holy fire in marriages and families that recognise Christ, removing the destructive influence of narcissism in people’s lives.

 

We know that the love of God hates all evil, while true discipleship first makes of the redeemed teachable men and women who can stand in that love of God and carry His glory. He is jealous for all who are getting more and more ready for his return, and he is jealous for his house, which should give no room for the enemy.

 

For those who are in a toxic relationship or marriage with the effects of the influence of narcissism and suffer from it, we recommend from our experience to seek the advice of experienced leaders to position themselves properly in this time. Now is the time not to become used to prideful, dishonourable, and sinful patterns in relationships within the ecclesia, but rather to purge them so that the glory of the Son can be revealed. Therein lies protection and direction in this time, which are under attack if we as saints do not move in obedience under the truth of the Word.

 

It is time for us as men to devote ourselves to Christ in such a way that He is represented in all the power of His triumph on the cross and resurrection in our love and restoration, so that women, boys and girls of our time may experience protection in it.

 

As well as it is time for us as women to surrender to Christ in such a way that He is represented in His eternal redemption as the Lamb of God and the Lion of the tribe of Judah in our trust and reverence, so that men, boys and girls of our time may experience orientation in it.

 

We may also ask ourselves, to which generation do we otherwise want to leave it to model marriage between man and woman and family in Christ as what it should be - a place of security and fellowship wherein God Himself dwells?

 

Amen and Amen.

 

In His Wisdom,

 

Daniel & Tina Glimm